ponedeljek, 26. april 2010

The glamour and misery of negativity

Negativity. Why negativity? Because it hits the news? Give me a break! I stopped watching the news, I stopped reading newspapers.

And? It still isn't enough. The negativity seems to be almost the very core of our being. The core of a western civilization soul at least.

Avoiding the news was not enough, so I moved on. I also avoid negative people without any sense of guilt. All relatives included. It doesn't mean I will not help my parents, but I don't need to listen to all negative things they are saying: complaints, pessimism, resentment. It's a tough fight for the simple luxury of a little light in our hearts. A simple luxury, but a complicated and strenuous fight.

Yet I will not give up. Because it's the only thing worth living for.

No church, no politics, no organization ever matters for our soul peace. No leader either. I close my eyes and see myriads of tired loving eyes just trying to be happy. I look into the mirror and I see the same. Let's stay together in our prayers. No race, no nation, no religion differences ever matter.

You can ask me more about my experience with “myself”: bb.bukle@gmail.com.

ponedeljek, 19. april 2010

When the going gets tough ... it's time for positive affirmations

Mine go like this:

Moja odgovornost je način, KAKO bom določeno mejo postavila. Odziv drugega je njegova odgovornost.

Znam se postaviti zase.

Lahko izbiram, komu bom pomagala.

Don't despair. The translation is already there. See below:

It is my responsibility HOW to draw a line in a relationship. The reaction of the other person involved is his/her responsibility.

I am capable of standing up for my rights.

I choose whom I will help.

The upper Slovene version of my affirmations is written on a piece of paper. The paper has been hanging on my bathroom wall next to the mirror for about a year now. I can say with confidence that the affirmations started to work after a year. In my opinion personal growth can only be measured in years.

Let me give you an example for the last affirmation: I choose whom I will help. Some days ago I was taking a stroll in the medieval city centre. Social workers that run the local support group for mental patients were promoting volunteering. They spoke to me personally. If this had happened a year ago, I would have said yes. Thanks to the effect of this affirmation, I was able to say: “I will think about it.” And then I did think about it and decided to start volunteering for this organization later, when my book is on the market.

The method of positive affirmations is the one that I started with in 2004 and I still use it, although I added the Phyllis Krystal method in 2006. The positive affirmations method that I learned from books by Louise Hay prepared me for the more analytical PK method. Everything comes into our lives at the right time. That’s my belief. And results only come from hard work. That’s also my belief.

It's either the hard way or no way. Keep fighting for a better tomorrow.

You can ask me more about my experience with positive affirmations: bb.bukle@gmail.com.

ponedeljek, 05. april 2010

Drawing the line in a relationship

I have promised to write about the Phyllis Krystal method seminar I attended in Munich and now it’s time to do it. When one first comes across the Phyllis Krystal method and hears that we need to cut the ties to our parents, there is often the fear and the sense of guilt in the form of the sentence: “But I love my parents. I cannot do this. I cannot cut the ties to my parents.”

A simple answer to this dilemma would be: “You want to cut the ties to your parents precisely because you love them.” Cutting the ties means growing up. And by growing up I mean forgiving our parents and taking responsibility for our own lives. I can tell you from my personal experience that I only started to really love my parents about a year after having cut the ties to them.

You can read more about this ritual of cutting the ties in P. Krystal’s books. But please attend a seminar first before trying anything especially if you suffer from a mental illness. The method might stir up the bio-chemicals in your brain too much. Thus you need guidance of an experienced P.K. method practitioner. Also be cautious and talk to your psychiatrist before trying anything out.

The Phyllis Krystal method is just one way to grow up. There are other meditative methods to do that. I suggest you choose the meditative method that suits you best and do it. Another approach for example that might work for you is the Bert Hellinger Family Constellation Work. Again be cautious and talk to your psychiatrist before trying anything out.

Cutting the ties to our parents might also be rephrased by “drawing the line in a relationship”. We need to draw the line in any relationship. And again — we draw the line BECAUSE we love the other person. Putting up with everything that person says or does to us is very selfish in the long run. Why? We can only take a certain amount of “torture”. Some day we will crumble and the relationship will end. The other person will not know what he/she actually did wrong. Nobody reads our mind. We need to speak up. By being quiet and just swallowing everything we are not taking good care of the relationship.

The same goes for people that tend to be dominating and have submissive partners. They should motivate their partners to speak up. This can be called “drawing the line” as well. Let me rephrase what the “drawing the line” for the dominating people might be: “I will only make 50 percent of the decisions at home. You make the other 50 percent.” Or: “I cannot make all decisions by myself. You will have to help me. Let’s find compromises.” With your spouse you only do the figure 8 exercise of Phyllis Krystal method. You never cut the ties to your husband or wife. The figure 8 exercise helps us drawing the line between ourselves and the spouse in everyday situations. With our parents we do the figure 8 exercise as the preparation for cutting the ties though. You can read more about the method in Krystal’s books or attend a seminar of the P. Krystal method.

Let me give you an example of drawing the line in a relationship by describing our marriage. I am learning to be more dominating, since I am submissive in nature. My husband on the other hand is learning to be more submissive, since he is dominating in nature. For us life is a classroom. You live you learn.

You can ask me more about my experience with the P. Krystal method: bb.bukle@gmail.com.