ponedeljek, 26. oktober 2009

Drink your cappuccino, girl!

Hi everyone!

It's a lovely coffee bar I am sitting in this afternoon. Alone – for I need a break. Some hours of solitude per week are my absolute need. To help facilitate the brain to calm down. I sit here alone which is less common than sitting in a pair or a group. I write while sipping my cappuccino. Which is even less common. I look at the people at the other tables and I can't get rid of the thought: »They think I am a lunatic.« It's the self-programming of a psychiatric patient that is ON in my brain now. It's not reality. I don't actually act weird. It's just less common what I am doing at this moment. So how could people around me possibly know I have schizoaffective disorder – bipolar type. The thing is: they don't.

So after having written the upper lines I looked up again. I looked at the people in the coffee bar again and the annoying thought was gone. What a bright day! At that moment I also understood, why our teacher at the workshop earlier that day had said: »Why do you worry about what we are going to think? Now you look completely healthy. We don't care about your past. And we don't even know precisely, what this schizoaffective disorder or even schizophrenia are. Don't create stress you don't need. Don't do this to yourself.«

The workshop was about marketing. We did a practical exercise. We wrote an add for our products or services – for the business we are in. Mine went like this: »We present the book ...(title)... The author of the book Helena Smole is a young woman, who learned to live with schizoaffective disorder – bipolar type.« That's how I got to the point when I told them about my illness. This wasn't a self-help group. They were some business people I have never seen before. And they liked my add. A computer engineer even offered to donate a web page, designed for the purpose of the promotion of my book.

So as you see – no need to worry about your public disclosure. Just get stable with medication and go out into the wonderful world out there.

ponedeljek, 19. oktober 2009

Soothing autumn colors

Hi everyone!

Today I want to share with you something that might be useful to you. It's autumn now in Europe, the States etc. Have you tried walking in a forest? It's great. I noticed that the older I get the more I am impressed by the warm autumn colours ranging from brown to yellow. I enjoy the whole palette: orange, crimson, scarlet, pale yellow, intense yellow and of course the soothing brown.

Yesterday I went picking chestnuts in the woods. I heard nothing but the birds, the cracking of old branches and the falling of chestnuts to the ground. The sun gave the reddish bark of pine trees a magical touch. The odour of pine resin worked as an aroma therapy. The silence of the forest silenced my mind. The soul peace set in – a crucial thing for any person, the ones with and the ones without the schizoaffective disorder.

torek, 13. oktober 2009

Gold of the Desert Kings

Hi everyone! People with and people without the schizoaffective disorder!

There is no crucial difference. Just that us – people with this disorder – have a bit more sensitive brain than others. We can be totally lovable though.

Here is what happened to me a few days ago.

First I should tell you that I am writing a book about my experience with the schizoaffective disorder (=SchAD). The experience is beginning to be so much fun I want to share it with you.

As I am not a famous writer I figured the best way to sell my book would be to self-publish. So parallel to writing the book I study and plan the promotion and sales.

So a few days ago I took part in a workshop called Gold of the Desert Kings. The point is to learn your weaknesses through a business simulation.

I went to the workshop not knowing who the participants will be. Usually I like meeting new people so I don't care if they are all new to me. This time however there was a girl I know. After the workshop we went out for a cup of tea. I told her my life story in short. Which means I also told her I have SchAD. And I didn't scare her off!

Frankly speaking: If I did scare her off by telling her I have SchAD, then I wouldn't be interested in being her acquaintance anyway.

And there is another thing from the workshop I want to share with you. At the end of the workshop there was a discussion. The teacher asked me: »By the way – what business are you in?« So I told everyone about my self-publishing project. No details. Just a sentence. Yet a lady who participated in the workshop was so rude to tell me to find a publisher. I was a bit rude too: »Thanks for the encouragement.«

I didn't want to put up a fight in front of others. I waited till the end of the seminar and spoke with the teacher privately. I said: »This game was very valuable for me. I found out that fear was my greatest obstacle. That's what I have to work on.« She asked me more questions about my project. I told her a very short version of the story of my life. I also told her about the SchAD. And guess what: I didn't scare her off either! On the contrary – she was very happy with my plans.