Fear versus Creativity

During our summer holidays my husband and I visited an experimental farm in Austria. Sepp Holzer calls himself a »rebellious farmer« and works miracles at the height of 4200 feet above sea level. He turned a steep pine forest into a land of ponds, fields and fruit tree gardens. How? By building terraces. The rain water descending from pond to pond comes down as spring water full of life energy at the bottom of the terraces. By creating a humid microclimate Holzer is able to grow even apricots and lemons at an amazing altitude. He says: “My farm is not supposed to be a recipe. It is merely an inspiration.” He is trying to invite people to think creatively instead of being afraid and asking questions: What if ...? Holzer's core philosophy could be shortly described by three sentences: Back to the nature. Do not be too greedy. And: Turn disadvantages of your situation into advantages.

I will write about the back to the nature concept and about the greed in my next blogs. Let me concentrate on Holzer's approach to disadvantages here. Instead of whining about how he cannot grow anything on very steep slopes, he built terraces. Instead of complaining about the cold weather at 4200 to 4900 feet above sea level in Austrian Alps, he built a pond system to compensate with humidity and he grew mixed plant culture to make the plants stronger as a community to compensate even more for the low temperatures. He also applies rocks that accumulate heat and warm his plants, especially Mediterranean herbs and fruit trees.

It is one thing to listen to people talk about turning disadvantages into advantages or problems into challenges. To actually see people in action however is what really inspires me. On Holzer's farm you can literary see the saying »Life is what you make of it« coming to life.

Holzer’s positive attitude is not applicable only in farming. You can see challenges instead of problems and turn disadvantages into advantages in any area of your life. Mental illness happens. It is a fact. You had no saying in whether you would get it or not. In other words – it is your destiny. What you do about your illness however is your choice. Read in my book about my choices. It is coming out next year. My book is also not a recipe, it is just an inspiration. Just like Holzer’s farm.

I am taking a short break from blogging

Based on comments of the readers of my last blog The Limits of Positive Thinking, I would like to add another limitation. One should not be too specific, when one affirms. Let me explain.

If we read books by L. Hay, there are no affirmations like: "I am married to Tom this and that." They are always more general: "I am married to a loving man." The actual Tom this and that is picked by god/the universe/coincidence – whichever you believe in.

I would give a similar answer to a lady mentioned in a comment to my previous blog that never wins in a casino. Maybe lottery is not the right way for her. Maybe she should think of other ways of investing money. She can keep the wish of getting well off, but needs to change the method of achieving it. By letting her lose money in casinos god/the universe/coincidence is showing her the way away from casinos. Affirming goes hand in hand with letting go and keeping faith. If one has no patience, one will soon say that affirmations do not work.

To sum up affirmations are not specific wishes. They never contain any numbers or names. For example one does not affirm: “I weigh 132 lb.” One affirms: “I am slim.” If that person is not at all overweight, all that needs to be done is improve her/his self-image. Only the ones who are overweight will really lose weight, if they change their diet and start exercising.

In my opinion affirmations are intended to change our thinking patterns. By saying positive things we only prepare ourselves for the future happiness. If we are not prepared, that means if we are too pessimistic and depressed, we might not even notice that something good has happened to us. Or we might blow our chances, simply because deep inside we believe that we do not deserve happiness. Affirmations are not magic, they are psychotherapy.

I am taking a short break from blogging, for my husband and I are going camping in Slovene mountains. It’s a recession-proof holiday. Minimum expenses, since we stay in our home country and sleep in a tent. Also very relaxing – no planes, no traffic noise, just mother nature. My next blog will be published on August the 30th.

The Limits of Positive Thinking

I can only come up with one. It's not clever to endure a difficult situation that could be changed and only repeat to oneself: »It's fine. It's fine. It could be worse.« Some situations cannot be changed, that's true. All one can do in such cases is get used to it. However, there are situations that CAN be changed and those are the times to take action in addition to positive thinking.

Let me give you an example.

I had some lines from L. Hay's book hanging on a wall I was facing while sitting at my desk in my office, where I used to work:

»In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. My unique creative talents and abilities flow through me and are expressed in deeply satisfying ways. There are people out there who are always looking for my services. I am always in demand and can pick and choose what I want to do. I earn good money doing what satisfies me. My work is a joy and a pleasure. All is well in my world.« (L. Hay: You Can Heal Your Life. Hay House: 2008. Page 108.)

To be honest none of the upper lines were true for my job back then, except the one about earning good money. I knew that these lines are meant as an affirmation. They say something about our future. First we talk about it and then the reality changes. We have to speak in present tense, otherwise the affirmations always remain in the future, which means they never become reality. I knew all that. But it still felt odd, because I saw no better future for me. I was certain that I would never find a satisfying job, since no one else would hire a mental patient. I had gotten the job at that office, because the employer knew me personally and felt sorry for me having schizoaffective disorder.

Still, I kept reading the affirmations and with years I started believing that it was possible for me to have a satisfying job.

Nevertheless it took more than positive thinking to really give notice, when the time was right to do that. It took courage. No matter how many times I had read the upper lines, sometimes also aloud (when I was alone), the letter of resignation still had to be written by myself. The universe provided a financial opportunity to quit the job — I could become a financially supported wife, since my husband started earning enough to cover our basic expenses. But I still had to write and post the letter.

When the time is right to take action, you take action. You do not write on your wall: “Somebody else will do it for me.” Positive thinking provides the right requirements for happiness, but when the time is right, you still have to take action.

Society is Mental Illness

An American psychologist who lives in Slovenia and has recently read my book said to me: »I think society IS mental illness.«

I was puzzled for a while, but then I asked: »What are mental patients then? The worst cases?«

To my astonishment he replied: »No, they are just people who are more aware of it.«

I answered instinctively: »I'll take this as a compliment.«

Later I gave this conversation more thought. Maybe he was right. Think of paranoia. It's one of the core thinking patterns. We are afraid of getting old, afraid of dying, afraid of being alone. So afraid that whole industries can grow out of it. Think of depression. Most people are so immersed in negative thinking that you have to carefully pick your company, otherwise you get constantly drawn back into negativity, even if you strive for positivity. And the majority of negative thinkers are not even aware of what they are doing.

Thus maybe mental patients did not fall mentally ill in vain. The man said that we are more aware of it. What does it mean? Being aware of the problem is always the first step to the solution. Maybe mental patients who make it through their illness and start thinking positively can help the non-mental-patient-people to step out of their negativity. For honestly speaking the negativity cannot get any worse than it already is. We have hit the rock bottom already. Thus logically it can only get better.

Please send your thoughts on this subject to: bb.bukle@gmail.com

Bringing Theory into Practice

Some time ago I mentioned in a blog that I affirm regularly: “It is my responsibility HOW to draw a line in a relationship. The reaction of the other person involved is his/her responsibility.”

Today I would like to share with you a story that shows progress in real life due to the upper affirmation:

The other day I tried to draw money from an ATM. I pushed the bank card into the fissure. The ATM did not react. I noticed another fissure just above the one, where my card was stuck. I realized I had pushed the card into the wrong fissure. I tried to pull it out, but it was too deep inside already. I saw a man standing behind me and since he was waiting for me, I figured it would be good for him to get this thing sorted out as soon as possible, so he could use the machine too. I asked him for help. He approached the ATM and could not believe that a woman can be so stupid. I decided to buy tweezers just around the corner and try to grab the card by them. I ran to the shop and bought tweezers. When I came back, the man was angrily waving with my bank card in the air trying to make me feel guilty for having been so stupid. I tried to cheer him up with a joke, but his despair was not repairable. He asked: “Will you be able to do it by yourself now?” I kindly asked him for help, for I was in enough stress already and I did not want to do any more mistakes. He helped me, but did not forget to add an ironic remark that hurt me: “Like I have time for you.” He must have drawn his money while I was buying tweezers, so after having seen my card in the right fissure, he hurried away without saying good-bye.

Then I tried to finally draw the money from the ATM, but on the display there appeared a sentence that I did not fully understand. I was tired and I left with my bank card and no cash. I thought if I sit on a bench nearby and get some rest, maybe later I will be able to try again. When I sat down however, I started crying. I felt like a loser that does not even know how to operate an ATM. On the top of that I could not understand why the man was so angry with me. I even bought tweezers largely on his account so that he would not have to wait too long. On the top of that I made fun of myself in order to cheer him up. Still he showed absolutely no compassion. Since I had gotten to the point of crying, there was no hope for getting my focus back and being able to operate the ATM in a short time. So I went home. On my way home a most remarkable thing happened. I managed to transform my sadness and guilty feeling into anger that I expressed verbally. I did not care if anyone passing by should hear me.

It was a great relief to get the anger out and even to feel it in the first place. If this had happened a year ago, there would not have been any righteous anger whatsoever. I would have only carried this feeling of being a looser inside of me. The progress also showed in the largely decreased amount of time that I needed to process the feelings connected to the unpleasant event. I forgot about the man by the end of the day. If this story had happened a year ago, I would probably have carried the story of my failure in my head for a fortnight.

You can ask me more about the power of affirmations: bb.bukle@gmail.com

Saying Thanks as a Habit

Over the last years I have gradually developed the habit of saying thanks. I start in the morning. I say thanks for all the good things that happened the day before and also for the »things« that are there all the time – being happily married, having found my vocation as a writer etc. This is a part of my morning meditation called maypole exercise, which is one of the basic exercises of the Phyllis Krystal method. I do this every morning, which sets a thankful atmosphere in me for the whole day.

It is one thing to say thanks for the good things, but what about the bad ones? I am grateful for the mental illness episodes in my past, for they had brought me to the point in my life, when I finally realized, what my true vocation was. On one hand it was hard to accept the illness and it took me about 13 years to come to the conclusion that it was all for the best. On the other hand it is easy to talk about the positive aspect of something that is over.

The truly hard thankfulness seems the one that we can develop already while a bad thing is happening to us. Let me give you an example. When I wake up with a migraine, I first get angry. Then I realize that anger will only make the migraine worse. Then I say mechanically: »Thank you God for this migraine. I do not know why it is good for me, but it might reveal itself later«. I do not really mean it and how could I, when my head hurts like hell. Nonetheless it helps to say thanks, for these sentences calm me down, while angry sentences would only make the headache worse. In retrospective I have been many times really grateful for the migraine, for I have realized that it had slowed me down, when I was either working too much or getting too emotional.

Last but not least I want to tell you a funny story in order to spice the serious subject a bit. Some weeks ago I was buying coffee from a coffee machine. When the sentence »Please remove the cup« showed up on the display, I said: »Thank you«. The next moment I was laughing at myself and looking around in shame. The lady that had heard me was smiling. We ended laughing together.

You can ask me more about my habit of saying thanks: bb.bukle@gmail.com

The Blind Car Driver in Me

This is another blog on dream interpretation. May I point out again that I only interpret the impressive dreams or the reoccurring ones. I dream almost every day, thus in my opinion it would be pointless to try to interpret every insignificant dream. I might even overdo it and get obsessed with dream interpretation. That is why I have set myself the limitation of interpreting only certain dreams. On the contrary a person who rarely remembers a dream in the morning would not need this limitation of course. May I warn you that you should consult your psychiatrist first, before you start any kind of dream interpretation, for you have to be stable in order to be able to do it. If one interprets his/her dreams during a mental illness episode for example, the interpreting might even make the episode worse.

In my previous blog I mentioned that I usually use the Phyllis Krystal Method to interpret my dreams. Nonetheless the example in my previous blog was interpreted solely according to my intuition. This time I will describe an example of my dreams that I have managed to interpret according to the above mentioned method. Dream interpretation is just a facilitating exercise that I use as a back-up next to other exercises according to the PK Method that I do regularly. It is not the core work of the method, but it gives useful hints at times.

The dreams: I met a very interesting woman. She was the head of the Union of the Blind People of my country — not the real head, just somebody who appeared as such in my dreams. She was driving a car. I was astonished. I asked her: “How can you drive a car? You are blind.” She gave me a most logical but at the same time a surprising answer: “I see with my third eye.” As much as I was dazzled by her self-confidence and supernatural capabilities I was also just as much disappointed with myself, for I had stopped driving a year ago.


This last bit regarding my driving is real. It is not an imagined story from the dreams. I had been trying to learn how to drive and be relaxed while driving a car for 4 years, but it only got worse over the years, so a year ago I finally quit. The real-life feeling of being a loser who cannot drive a car was combined with the imagined story of a blind car driver in my dreams.

When I woke up in the morning, I first thought the dream was telling me to try driving a car again. Later however I tried to interpret it with the PK method, because this is what I usually do, if the dream is impressive. According to this method the people that appear in our dreams represent parts of our personality. Similarly the car usually means our job or business. Thus the blind woman in my dreams could be interpreted as the brave part of me that knows how to pull off my book project, even though the skeptic in me is still having her doubts, for this is my first project of the kind. In my opinion the dreams were trying to encourage me in my endeavor to publish a book that will help other mental patients in their fight for a better life.

You can ask me more about my dreams and the way I interpret them: bb.bukle@gmail.com