ponedeljek, 05. julij 2010

Bringing Theory into Practice


Some time ago I mentioned in a blog that I affirm regularly: “It is my responsibility HOW to draw a line in a relationship. The reaction of the other person involved is his/her responsibility.”

Today I would like to share with you a story that shows progress in real life due to the upper affirmation:

The other day I tried to draw money from an ATM. I pushed the bank card into the fissure. The ATM did not react. I noticed another fissure just above the one, where my card was stuck. I realized I had pushed the card into the wrong fissure. I tried to pull it out, but it was too deep inside already. I saw a man standing behind me and since he was waiting for me, I figured it would be good for him to get this thing sorted out as soon as possible, so he could use the machine too. I asked him for help. He approached the ATM and could not believe that a woman can be so stupid. I decided to buy tweezers just around the corner and try to grab the card by them. I ran to the shop and bought tweezers. When I came back, the man was angrily waving with my bank card in the air trying to make me feel guilty for having been so stupid. I tried to cheer him up with a joke, but his despair was not repairable. He asked: “Will you be able to do it by yourself now?” I kindly asked him for help, for I was in enough stress already and I did not want to do any more mistakes. He helped me, but did not forget to add an ironic remark that hurt me: “Like I have time for you.” He must have drawn his money while I was buying tweezers, so after having seen my card in the right fissure, he hurried away without saying good-bye.

Then I tried to finally draw the money from the ATM, but on the display there appeared a sentence that I did not fully understand. I was tired and I left with my bank card and no cash. I thought if I sit on a bench nearby and get some rest, maybe later I will be able to try again. When I sat down however, I started crying. I felt like a loser that does not even know how to operate an ATM. On the top of that I could not understand why the man was so angry with me. I even bought tweezers largely on his account so that he would not have to wait too long. On the top of that I made fun of myself in order to cheer him up. Still he showed absolutely no compassion. Since I had gotten to the point of crying, there was no hope for getting my focus back and being able to operate the ATM in a short time. So I went home. On my way home a most remarkable thing happened. I managed to transform my sadness and guilty feeling into anger that I expressed verbally. I did not care if anyone passing by should hear me.

It was a great relief to get the anger out and even to feel it in the first place. If this had happened a year ago, there would not have been any righteous anger whatsoever. I would have only carried this feeling of being a looser inside of me. The progress also showed in the largely decreased amount of time that I needed to process the feelings connected to the unpleasant event. I forgot about the man by the end of the day. If this story had happened a year ago, I would probably have carried the story of my failure in my head for a fortnight.

You can ask me more about the power of affirmations: bb.bukle@gmail.com

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