Not too Close Please

 

I reckon it is less hurtful to pull back at the very start than drag it along and cut the contact later, when one is alreadyinvolved.

Take care,

Helena Smole

 

To Have Friends One Has to Be a Good Friend First

Imagine family would be at the same time also friends. Take care, Helena Smole

Traditions versus Ethics

The Golden Rule or ethic of reciprocity: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” has not been altered or even shattered by the new social media. Read more about tradition and ethics. Take care, Helena Smole

The Road Less Travelled

Do you ever take the road less travelled? Or do you always do what the majority of people do, because it is easier? Read more: http://www.helenasmole.com/2014/the-road-less-travelled Take care, Helena Smole

Home Sweet Home

In 1996 when I fell ill for the first time, my friends tried to stick with me at first. However after a while it got too hard for them to look at somebody who was quiet all the time and looked like a walking corpse. I did not say it out loud, but they must have felt I was thinking of suicide a lot. Today I am glad they limited their contacts to me to a few times a year. They had to do it for their own protection, for bad mood is catchy as you well know. It would have worn them out.

In 1999 I met my future husband and since I practically had no friends, I attached myself too much to him. It was not the best thing to do, but the way I see it from today’s perspective it was the only way. He stood by me no matter what. He helped me become who I am today. I would not have made it without him.

It was only in 2007 that I came out of my fear and depression jungle to such an extent that I was able to renew my old friendships and even make new ones. However I came across another danger — the belief that I had to accept anyone as a friend. I thought I was not supposed to be choosy about new friends, since I had been “alone” for such a long time. My husband and I also moved to another town, where apartments were cheaper, so I had little contact with the old friends. Soon I realized that the new friends that were very different from me, were only exhausting me. I realized I had to become choosy, or I will fall ill. Today I have two new friends in the town we moved to. I mean those kind of friends you see every week. Thus I am not that terribly attached to my husband anymore.

Another trap I fell into was “analyzing my relatives”. After having acquired a lot of knowledge about personal growth in various seminars, books and daily mental work (2004—2008), I suddenly wanted to help everyone. This was exhausting too. So I had to reduce family visits.

It was this winter that I finally managed to find the balance between solitude and socializing. When I feel there has been too much talk with my friends, I simply take some days off and enjoy the peace and quiet of our home or take a stroll in the forest. As far as my relatives are concerned, I try to take them the way they are. I just listen and make as little remarks as possible. When listening to them still stresses me out, my dear husband give me a Tibetan heat compress massage before going to bed. This makes keeping the balance between solitude and socializing much easier.

I do love people and wish everyone their best, but I am very sensitive to the energy they are sending out, that is why I am a bit of a loner. Of course it’s predominantly the negative energy people send out that gives me sleeping disorders. But also a huge amount of positive energy in the evening makes it harder for me to fall asleep. That is why my home sweet home became a sort of “headquarters of peace”. A quiet place only for me and my beloved husband, no loud music, no TV. It’s a place where we both re-fuel our “tanks” with life energy. Once a week we also get a major re-fill in the mountains.

You can ask me more about my experience with mental illness: bb.bukle@gmail.com.